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18th May 2010

3:17pm: if i like a boy he doesn't like me.
it is a fact.
i am trying to finish my final week of university and convince my boyfriend that he wants me.

i've been replacing food with alcohol.
i'm a mess, been considering staying in stoke.
i just want him to come over and kiss me.
i'd feel so much better.

14th May 2010

10:21pm: i don't understand what you want from me.
you don't think we're right for each other.
well this is fucking news to me.
seeing as you keep telling me i'm "getting you so well"
and i know i'm leaving soon but you can't stop living for fear that
something bad might happen, so don't end us just because
you're unsure we can last the distance.

i thought about staying for you. would that change things?

10th January 2010

i fucking hate being in stoke.
i slept for two hours and had a nightmare.
i feel uncomfortable here, like my skin is peeling off.

16th November 2009


28th September 2009


21st September 2009

9:30am: my voice is totally gone. i miss it.
this is the third morning in a row i have woken up hungover.
wish i could go to horn :(

10th September 2009

10:34pm: it's pretty much a Beatles night on BBCFour so that's my evening sorted.
dancing like a twat obviously.
although my brother came in and was like "as if, you don't even like the beatles!"
WTF. of course i like the beatles, i'm not a fucking cretin.

6th September 2009

7:23pm: fuck my life.

10th June 2009

1:06am: I had a dream my teeth fell out.
It was a generally weird dream.
the colours were all wrong. and it was set up near our new house in shelton, but not inside it.
i wasn't really bothered about my teeth falling out.

6th May 2009

12:45pm: Happy birthday Sophie,
I love you.

13th April 2009

4:32pm: I HATE PETE. ugh, I just do.
And I'm only home for less than two weeks, so why does he have to be here all the time? and if he's not here you're at his. He's not even your boyfriend anymore. He's a tosser. And he makes me feel uncomfortable to be here. And you know this. You know my opinions on him.

So, thanks mum, thanks for making this easter pretty unbearable. You make me not want to come home over summer.

16th January 2009

12:10pm: life is confusing.
i am not looking forward to lectures on monday, i get this feeling in my stomach that
it's going to be messy.
kissing boys leads to disaster.
and i have learnt that i am rude when i'm drunk.

11th January 2009

3:30pm: what do you do when you find out your long term boyfriend hates the smiths?

29th November 2008

12:03am: At the moment uni is being a little bit stressful to be perfectly honest.

Our electric shower broke, which is not a big problem if we actually had hot water in our house so we could use the bath or the other shower but we have never had more than a minute of hot water at a time so this week has been fun. I've been at liam's with his lovely shower while british gas are fixing our hot water finally (but we don't know when the shower will get fixed)

But my film is being more film like at the moment, except that the sound is awful and needs re-recording and needs a new layer of some sort of ambient music so it is less boring.
I gave my lecturer Dan my first edit today (via liam who is more stressed about his film seeing as he has to cut his current one down to 2 minutes and film a whole new film to last about a minute)
and now i'm sort of nervously awaiting feedback. I am thinking of filming another one minute film myself just in case but then we have other work to do for our modules which is not fun.

Sound design, out of a group script, group action and group emotion plus individual sound effect all we've done is the action (unedited) and i think it's due in for just about a week away.

Creativity is what is absolutely stressing me out. I have to produce a A2 poster all about me and email a picture of it to Dan by tuesday. I have an idea but me and liam are going to manchester to see his friend from home and we've been promising to go for weeks and for some weird reason liam really wants me to go so all the work i really need to do this weekend is just not going to be happening. (also, shopping in manchester is a temptation which i am more than likely too weak to pass up and my bank balance is becoming depressing and i still have some christmas presents to get woe)

Sophie is coming to stay on Monday though which is exciting because no one ever visits me here because Stoke is the most boring place that I could have probably ever picked for university.

I also need to buy a ticket for the media production christmas party and find out what the fancy dress is. I am hoping they will change their minds still and say it is dressing up like last year because I have a nice dress that I am dying to wear out and I bought it with the christmas party in mind and why does everything have to be fancy dress all the time. I think it's children's film characters which is a difficult one. If it was just film characters I could probably still dress up nice. But either way I need new shoes (jealous of Sophie and her terrific Kurt Geiger shoes that if she wears to stoke I am definitely stealing!)

This is the longest post I have posted in ages. It is an actual proper update.
I shock even myself.

Also, I have a new livejournal which hopefully is going to be for film/ideas/creativity based stuff. http://convolutional.livejournal.com is where its at.
Nothing yet though.

That's it, i'm done.

31st October 2008

8:41pm: i am miserable.

19th October 2008

6:48pm: i sort of forgot how much i hate msn.
i mean, really? bouncing fullstops? c'mon?!

16th August 2008

1:50am: this article http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7562773.stm has actually just made my life.

4th August 2008

4:10pm: yesterday i sat in lee rosy's and drank darjeeling and people watched and storyboarded an idea for a short film.
it's sappy.
i will probably write it up anyway.

17th July 2008

5:29pm: asfjhkaghdjdksdhjgkhjksgjhds.

Okay. So there's this international short film festival in febuary. it's in Clermont Ferrand in France.
My university are going they go every other year or something like that. when i first found out I was so excited because I've never been abroad and going to a film festival is something i sort of dream about.

well, anyway, today I found out I can't go.

Because it's costs about £380 to £400. And limited to about 40 places (they've invited about 100, there are about 50 people in my year alone who would all love to go) Which is fine really because I get my loans and grants and everything.

But they want £200 deposit by the end of august. Before loans come in. And there is absolutely no way I can get that sort of money unless someone gave me a job tomorrow and I just worked constantly until the end of august.

I have money saved but that is for my first months rent which is infinately more important that trotting of to a french film festival.

My mum vaguely sort of offered but I know she can't afford it at all so I wouldn't dream of asking her.

To be honest though I'm devastated. I'm trying really hard not to cry.

Okay, so that's a lie I am crying.

Ugh, fuck everything tbh.

15th July 2008

6:26pm: i have no idea what i have done to myself, but it hurts. I thought i had pulled a muscle in my chest/back. although no it feels like i have severely bruised my chest and pulled a muscle in my back.
it really really hurts.

nonetheless i went shopping today. I had to find a bag for my mum because she is going on holiday on friday and wants a bad for the beach. So she just wanted a simple tote bag. except that it had to have a zip. I went all over and found quite a nice one in h&m. It's black with dark grey stars on and a zipped pocket on the front. I think it's nice and if she gets home and doesn't like it she is going to get a kick.

while I was in town i continued my ongoing search for the perfect black blazer type jacket. There was a nice one in h&m but it was cropped and looked a bit silly on me. However, I tried This jacket on in topshop. except that it was a size 12 and looked absurdly big and i looked around for more sizes and there was only a 14. It is £55, but I get 10% student discount and I think i still have a £10 gift voucher somewhere that I was saving for something like this.

Today I did buy some DVD's though. I bought Fargo, The last King of Scotland, 21 Grams and Requiem for a Dream.
I've only seen 21 Grams and a little bit of Requiem for a dream but to be honest it's just sort of studying for me so I can justify spending a little on dvds. And anyway together it all came to £20 which is good.

On my facebook right now is lots of pictures of Sophie blowing bubbles. Check it out. They're quite amusing.

I should update properly really I know I should but because I haven't updated in so long I find it hard to know where to start.

I officially finished and passed my first year of university. I've been to the dot to dot festival and saw some amazing bands including the love of my life Born Ruffians and the awesome Thomas Tantrum and the band I aways find really weird to see them play live Nephu Huzzband. I've turned 19. I've had lots of fun with the biscuits and george (and occasionally also jamie). I've been down to Winchester and met Liam's family and see the Cathedral and the Hat festival. I got my provisional license. I finally won something on ebay and it arrived and oh how I love it and wore it in the rain today. I've seen Sophie's new flat. I've been hideously drunk and thrown up lots (i vaguely remember talking to some guy about that film that Paul King and the boosh are making in Nottingham, and getting really annoying when he kept saying he could get me a part as a flamenco dancer and i just kept saying 'nooooo I can't be in front of camera that's not what I do!' anyway I have his number but I doubt I will ever call him.)

Uhm, i can't think of anything else.

I need to make short film, go to lincoln with the biscuits, buy a tent for reading, get my keys and start moving into my new house (!!!) Have a tea party/picnic/bbq with the biscuits, catch up with james and charlotte, start looking for a job in stoke and enroll for next year. and save up for an DSLR but that isn't something I can really do until sept and loan time.

Although, right now I have to go start chopping some fruit for a yummy fruit salad. I have never chopped up a pineapple or a mango before. Exciting.

EDIT: Also this http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Vtg-TUXEDO-TAILS-Shrunken-Boy-TINY-FIT-Blazer-Jacket-XS_W0QQitemZ300239547873QQihZ020QQcategoryZ48883QQtcZphotoQQcmdZViewItem

13th July 2008

12:13pm: i got way too drunk last night.
threw up in rescue rooms.
and i'm fed up with my mum and her stupid boyfriend.

i just want my stupid boyfriend. i want him to give me a hug and look after me. which is a little bit sad of me, but i don't care.

30th June 2008

8:01pm: I actually won something on ebay today.
it sort of makes up for me losing something on ebay earlier.

15th May 2008

7:40pm: all has come to madness when all i have to drink is wine!

in other news i am trying to do laundry and people are trying to cut me off with fences, so i have to walk half way round the campus instead of straight across it. I am not best pleased. I hate this summer ball already, I am glad i'm away for the weekend as I imagine otherwise there will be murders.

Hah, oh i've been invited to the party of a girl i don't really like tonight. Hannah's birthday. Hannah is the chav whom shouted at my boyfriend in primark. Needless to say, I am not fond of her. She asked where I got my dress from the other day and I just wanted to say 'nooooo, it's not for chavs! stick to tracksuits!' although this is because I am a horrid girl who holds grudges.

Liam, is not coming to the dot to dot festival with me. I am gutted. Although the ticket is going instead to james WHO I AM SURE WILL APPRECIATE IT AND MY COMPANY MUCH MORE.

I'm moving a lot of my stuff back to nottingham on saturday. i feel a bit weird about it.

24th March 2008

10:47pm: I like summer dresses and picnics.
I like tea and cake, and music that makes you want to dance.
I like boys who are tall and awkward and I like having bare feet on green, green grass.
I like bright colours, soft fabrics and good company.

Inquire within.

21st February 2008

2:05pm: i want summer to come now please.
i am sick of wrapping up warm.
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